Thursday, January 12, 2006

Birf Day

I am constantly amazed by technology and even more amazed at our jaded attitude towards it, if you could show the latest Nokia SliK 9676896n to your average Victorian gentleman, his eyes would pop out on stalks and he would literally shit his brain out of his arse in wonderment, now if you produced the same phone to your average seven year old, they would disdainfully laugh in your stupid face and show you the latest Nokia SliK 9676896n v2 released that morning which includes GPS toaster oven and can actually communicate with animals and the dead via text message. Me, I giggle whenever I use a doorbell so when ever I’m shown anything even slightly smelling of the future I stare like a dog being shown a card trick.

I am saying all this, because yesterday I was given a wireless optical mouse and if I was anymore impressed by it, I would probley paint my face and worship it as a pagan magic giving god.


Yesterday was my birthday, and I didn’t feel too bad about it un till today but nothing will make you feel older than drinking a Viking amount of booze and crawling into bed at gone six, my kidneys are actually hurting- this, I’m presuming, is a bad sign. So if I don’t make it I’m going to pass on some things that I’ve been taught by cruel circumstance or people much wiser than me, before my liver crawls out my ears and then hangs itself.

• Fighting for what you believe in is easy, finding out what you believe in; that’s hard.
• A twenty minute shower is worth at least three hours sleep.
• Never give work your mobile number.
• Be nice to the homeless lunatic, you are only three fuck-ups from being that guy.
• Never run unless you’re doing the chasing; never get on the wrong side of that predator/prey sew-saw.
• There is always somewhere cheaper.
• Coffee and uppers are the drugs of the city, you will never be the biggest blade but maybe you can be the sharpest.
• “Later” most of the time means “never” especially if saying to yourself.
• Be wary of anyone eager to give you keys, keys mean responsibility.
• Its better to have booze and not need it, than need booze and not have it
• Pain is temporary and chicks dig scars.
• Drinking is not a game. Drinking games are for people that probley shouldn’t be allowed to drink.
• Everybody is interesting, just close your mouth and listen.
• Never shave while you’re drunk, no matter how much time you think your going to save in the morning.
• If someone starts a sentence with “I’m not being nasty but..”, they are actually about to be nasty
• Life is made a little easier if you smile more.
• Realise that saying shit like that will make you sound a big hippy.
• Karma is a bitch.
• Lists are a good way of filling space on a largely unread blog.


Blogger Olulabelle ranted..

It just makes me want to weep that piece of writing. It's one of the most eloquent things I've ever read.

I feel really gushy which might be something to do with the late hour and the alcohol, but we do read your blog and your lists and not fill-up-space, they're really, really cool.

And by the way, you're also very funny but don't put your big head on about it.

2:50 AM  
Blogger Puck ranted..

Thank you.

i would be intrested to read your list, and Mags's and Pots


5:09 PM  

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