Thursday, May 05, 2005

Midnight Express Mom

This is a true story that happened about 7-8 years ago. My sister, who was sixteen at the time, decided that instead of going away with us (to fucking Pontins for the 27th time running) she would fly to Spain with my auntie. Naturally my mom was worried sick, made worse by the fact it was a self-catering holiday and my sister refused to take any food in her case with her. So my mom did what any mother would do and put some food in her case without telling her.

It gets better. The food my mom decided too put in was Smash instant potato only the silver sealed bag was too big. So sweeping into action using mom logic and a blinding disregard of common sense, she made a hole in the bag, let out the air, and taped it back up with gaffer tape. The quicker amongst you may have worked out what’s next.

That’s right folks my mom naively thought it would be a good idea too, without telling her remember, pack my sisters bag with a silver foil and gaffer tape package filled with a fine off-white powder. Naturally at the airport she’s gets pulled up and asked what it is and of course my sister unavertadly give the most suspicious sounding answer back “ive never seen it before in my life” I like to think at this point my sister was crying.

Anyway they miss the flight because they take the package away for testing. All the while my auntie is worry about being accused of a mule-pimp and my sister is getting the vague notion that she may her the words “if you can just turn around and bend over for a second” sometime soon.

Everything worked out in the end, and I used to think it was a honest mistake but while recounting the story to a friend of my moms the other day, my sweet caring mom laughed so hard coffee came out of her nose.

Needless to say I pack my own bags now.


Blogger Olulabelle ranted..

That's absolutely wicked! TBM and I have just laughed out loud, the whole way through, G&T out of our noses.

Especially the line, "I like to think at this point my sister was crying." That's so evil.

All people who exist should know that story.

And also the skipping from chit to chat line, too, in your other post.

I'm kind of just repeating TBM's and my conversation now, instead of actually replying, but you're such a good writer Puck. I'm so jealous. (Obviously I'm not jealous of your grammar, clearly...)

2:40 AM  
Blogger Puck ranted..

*warning, please dont read if offended mutal praise*

Yep you read that correctly folks, thats belle, saying shes jelous of my writing.

belle your one of three people that inspired me to start my own blog, not in a "if she can do it anyone can" way but in a "if i practice and work at it maybe i can get somthing as good as hers" way.

Thank you for saying nice things about me, im never sure how to accept compliments.

11:17 AM  
Anonymous Antwon De' Clause ranted..

Jesus oulabelle.
Why dont you just rimjaw him.
I read his site a lot, your flirting turns my stomach.

6:07 AM  
Blogger Puck ranted..

Twon you moron, belle is a very good friend of mine and so is her boyfriend, not only have you got the wrong end of the stick, youve got the wrong bloody stick.

your just jelous cos all you get on your blog is a patronising american bird, and your freinds insulting said septic.

When are you back? i thought it was today?

11:00 AM  
Blogger Mr Anthony Keane ranted..

I apologise oogeybelle,
and you puck, you can lick my ass and suck my balls treacle.

I'll roast M in the oven covered in tin foil with an orange in his mouth. While your da' watches me do your mommas awlful perdy mouth.

I'll be back on Monday dude, be round yours on Tues. Take the day off, we have tea to make and storys to swap.

Is there anything you want from Bangkok? Dvds? C.D's? Software?

Theres some fucking annoying girl singing in this internet cafe, really loud but she cant prounounce the words,

"im so ronely, so ronely, i leally need to gwoooooo"

12:28 AM  
Blogger Puck ranted..

You trying to out dark me? heres not the place for my dark thoughts or ball sucking for that matter, i will try and get free on said day as long as you promise not to bang on and on about your travels.

Bring me back something, you know the shit i like.

cant wait to see ya, we gotta arrange to hook up stateside.

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Huge cock bigger than a smiths ranted..

Can i bring my bagpipes? Oh you have an armpit.

Im not gonna say a thing dude, theres too much to say, it would take a month.

So im not gonna say one word. Make sure ur bro's in aswell.

Tell him to bring some profiterolls.

10:10 AM  

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