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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Happy Birthday, and the BIG REVEAL

The music is loud, full of bland guitar and anonymous angst; I'm in the darkest booth at the furthest end of the most obscure pub I could find. Alone, trying not to think of the dissertation I should be writing. I couldn't be giving off any more sitting-next-to-me-is-a-bad-idea vibes if I gained a three or four stone and put on a Star Trek uniform. So I was surprised to hear.
"I thought I would find you here" which is funny because I had chosen this place for exactly the opposite reason. I look up, she's changed, no longer fashionably edgy, in fact the edges had been rounded down to a smoother, more corporate look.
"You're The Internet, we met before. You look different" I say, trying to keep the accusation out of my voice.
"If I've changed that much how'd you know it was me?" a smile, Christ I hate games.
"Your smell" that was the truth; I knew it was her before I looked up, burnt vanilla and old leather. Her grin edges wider "What do you want?" I'm trying to sound angry but I fall short and end up sounding merely irritable.
"Don't start, Grumpy" she warns "you invited me here, remember?" she knows me well enough for that question not to be rhetorical, I hadn't forgot though, The Big Reveal. "Second thoughts?" she leans forward and her hand is on mine, it's cold and reminds me exactly who I'm talking to.
"Fetch me a drink and let's get this over with"

My name is Daniel Smith; I have been keeping this blog for exactly two years and I thought it was time I stopped hiding behind screen names and owned my own words.

ok apart from Puckjaded, any other nicknames?

Well a few people IRL know me as Puck, as I have been using it, or deviations of it for a few years now. It comes from my A-levels where I read as the character in "Midsummer Nights Dream".

any others?

Well I tag "BAR", which is short for "barninja" a fictional rank that was invented for me when my boss wanted to pay me more but couldn’t make me a supervisor.

Age

*sigh* twenty eight, but I act much younger and feel much older. I can pass for twenty which I put down partly to dodging responsibility and partly to drinking hooker's blood.

it says "Birminghell" in your profile, where are you really from?

I'm from a small town in Birmingham; although I hate the term, "chavvy" is the only way of describing it, capital of teenage pregnancy, spousal abuse and unemployment. Its full of under age mothers pushing red faced squalling children in pushchairs occasionally handing them sausage rolls that they smear over their fat kiddy mouth holes, accompanied by shaven headed thugs wearing track suits and for some reason Bluetooth earpieces for their overpriced mobile phones.

what do you do?

Drink, fuck, howl at the moon...

don't be difficult, you know what I mean

Yeah, yeah, I'm finishing an Art Degree, in which I could fluke a half decent grade, but all I've really learnt is that the art world is 50% bluff obfuscated by elitism, which means I'm a naturally talented artist or naturally talented bullshit artist

and plans for the future

Not sure to be honest, didn't really expect to make it past 27. Journalism I suppose, which may or may not mean moving to London.

Girlfriends...Boyfriends?

Neither, I just ended a messy two month relationship, I wont rule it out in the future though, like a retarded child with a Bunsen burner, no matter how many times I get burned I still keep playing. Why are you interested?

Don't smile at ME like that - we both know I'm not real anyway

Now who's being difficult?

I'm just a lazy literary devise that you're using to avoid writing a proper, interesting article

Ouch; you're hot when you're angry.

and you're trying to get off with a metaphor, that's a new low even for you

Ermm can we concentrate on the interview now

Certainly, so still a student at 28, why?

Well I've been about, and it normally takes me a couple of try's to stay and finish things, itchy travel feet you see.

And how did you pay for it all?

A patient family, and bar work since I was a shy 18 year old.

Any other jobs?

More than I can remember; bartender, security staff, door work, helpdesk monkey (for a year), warehouse staff, shop assistant, door to door salesman, building work, agricultural worker, removals. And that's just what I can remember. The worst was selling "a wide range of interactive learning materials" door to door in one of the remotest shit kicking towns in Western Australia, hard spiteful work.

you sound like your boasting now

You're damn skippy...

Ok I think that will do for now, see you around.. And Danny?

Yeah

if you need to call me again don't hesitate to fuck off

Ok then, that's it. ME. Laid bare and nailed to the web. I will briefly answer questions, contact me via e-mail and I will publicly post the replies.

Any of you that need more Danny goodness can download the articles that I have written for my uni magazine, (which I have been made the Arts and Entertainment editor)

here
here
and here

watch out though theyre PDF so might take a while to load.

Ahhthankyew

2 Comments:

Blogger Shroom-Monkey ranted..

Very nice.... but you already knew I was a fan....

9:15 PM  
Blogger Tumuli ranted..

Whereas my idea or motivation loss produces mindless entries or blank days, yours yields pieces much more creative and insightful than anything we could muster.

How I envy you: I never became arts and entertainment editor at my university publication, but that was before I fully realized that was where I longed to end up.

You have the talent to go much farther...

9:00 PM  

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