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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Tv in hell

The Buddhists believe that all desire leads to suffering, if this is true, then advertising therefore is just a vehicle for misery. From the terrifyingly aggressive Barry Scot who bellows his name like a cleaning obsessed crack head Tourette’s sufferer, to the painfully, to the painfully slowly narrated food porn of the Marks and Spencers campaign “this isn’t just food. It’s better described food”

The fact we perpetually allow this shit to be spewed into our brain astounds me. Now I’m no stranger at shouting at the television – the News, Wife Swap, Blue Peter, anything really will have me out of my chair turning the air blue with newly invented swear words. But advertisements push my “vent spleen button” more than most. The T.V’s in hell* only show Eastender re-runs and advertisments for heaven at a price you can never quite afford.

My most hated ad the moment is this one for Virgin money.



“Harold why are you pretending to listen to music when your headphones arnt plugged in?”

Hmmm let me think, maybe it’s because Harold would rather pretend to have a severe psychotic episode than be trapped in a lift with two wet and soulless suits banging endlessly on about their fucking credit cards, maybe he is sending you two a very clear message – he would rather act like a bit of an idiot than be a dull money obsessed drivel spouting corporate blank space.

The next is a Royal Navy advertisement where a medical officer says “in hospitals you tend to do the same things over and over until they become routine, I wanted something a little more challenging” (you can hunt around if you wish and find it at the website, but its not really worth it). So this woman wanted to get away from routine, doesn’t joining the armed forces seem like a massive mistake seeing as their day to day life if regimented down to the tinyist detail? And she wanted something “a little more challenging” what? like dealing with one of three things; sea sickness, alcohol poisoning and the Clap? Pull the other one its got bells on.

And thirdly, what kind of feekle munching child pervert gets off on seeing a oriental toddler on the toilet shouting “its all gone” at his mother because he is clearly disgusted by his own stench? I don’t need that in my life, its like a very very niche type of porn – cut to furtive looking man, nervously addressing a adult shop owner “excuse me do you have under-age Chinese boys pooing? They must be disgusted by their own smell and clearly adopted.”
“get out of my shop sicko”

*yes, I realise I've switched religious ideologies in the space of a paragraph, I'm post-modern, sue me.

1 Comments:

Blogger here kitty, kitty... ranted..

I like advertisements- often more so than the shows... it is those two minutes and two seconds of tv time that make me laugh, make me cry, make me want a can of soup and make me know it is ok to go swimming while on the rag.... I live for that shit... stop you whining!!! how else would we make our decisions as consumers!!!

12:42 AM  

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