Wednesday, February 23, 2005

football bluffing for dummies

Ive been pretending to like football for so long im not sure that i dont anymore, let me explain-

I grew up in a family where all the men like football, i went to a school were all the other children loved the game and when i got old enough to work in pubs i discovered that all the men EVER talk about is football,all the time, over and over repating the same conversations but with differant names. In this enviorment Not liking football is met with scorn, derision and the expression you are given when trying to explain to a five year old where milk comes from, so over the years i have learned to bluff a good footballing conversation, i do pretty well too, although if watching a game at the pub i can be identifyed as the bored looking one or the guy trying to work out why cant we have the jukebox on at the same time.

I do have very close freinds who are huge footballing freinds but they understand that my intrest in the game is dependant on my mood, useally fleeting and almost entirly constrained to when England play or my homeside.

Other time i have to bluff, research is handy try to remeber some thing the commentators or pundits say, re-phase it wait about five minutes and repeat, this is what most of the fans are doing unconsiosly anyway. *warning do not do this with a pundit called Alan Hanson, he is the tiny bitter scarfaced scot who is only on television to make thousands of people shout "twat" at the same time*

Good things to say

1) (when talking about a team that have lost say two or more games in a row) He'll be out soon
do not specify who "he" is, let them speculate on the player/manager/sacrifical goat

2) that keepers a joke untill a giant air breathing crack squid with hands the size of dustbin lids signs as goalkeeper for a premiership side fans will always have a love/hate/hate relationship with the poor bastard in that postion

3) only ever refer to a player by his secend name and if your feeling particularly fruity throw add the suffix "sie" so giggs becomes giggsie, sharp becomes sharpie and bekham becomes.....well it doesnt always work so be carful of that too.


Blogger Olulabelle ranted..

Pucksie, I really don't think you should encourage people to pay any attention to football; far too many people obsess dully over it already.

3:49 PM  

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