Sunday, July 24, 2005

not being able too read

I feel bloated and dirty but a major buying jag hangover normally feels worse- guilt headaches, lethargy jitters and existential depression. I spent yesterday on south street in Philly, it has the same sort of vibe as Camden in London and I bought a bunch of stuff (see below) including a badly needed but poorly executed hair cut.

A new session starts tomorrow and things need to start getting easier, the burnout I had about Thursday last week has left an empty echo whenever I try to think about it and a feeling of dread I can't shake.


Today I understand why they call dyslexia "word blindness". I was at a bookstore, not truly savouring the experience as usual because I was being picked up but I knew what I wanted. Rushing round I came to the appropriate section, first I scan the books looking for the authors names but I realise I cant focus on any of the text, I try again slower this time, but the words are too small or packed together too close because my eyes wont stay on any of them, it was just a fucking blur. All at once feeling frustrated and humiliated I call Harry for help fighting back tears, call it bullshit macho pride if you must, that shit stings like a dry slap on a cold day.


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