Saturday, February 02, 2008

Dog the bounty hunter NOT a drinking game

Due to popularity of the Jeremy Kyle drinking game, which, for some reason, is the term most used to find this blog from search engines. For whatever reason Jeremy Kyle drinking games must be the meme du jour, so in the vain of exploitative reality television I want to talk about Dog the Bounty Hunter. Just to reiterate, this isn't a drinking game, drinking isn't a game, its a lifestyle decision and if you need a game to tell you how to drink, you probably shouldn't be allowed in the first place. - how come in drinking games, drinking is always a punishment? if you fancy having a booze or two while watching DTBH then by all means go ahead in fact, sir, I salute you. Just don't expect there to be any rules

For those of your who cant get past the screeching granddad metal of the opening titles, which is Ozzy Osborne’s phoned in effort of theme song, the show is a docu-soap following an ex-biker, reformed convict and owner of the worst white guy hair cut since the puddin’ bowl, while he polices his adopted home, Hawaii, as the islands premier bail bonds man and bounty hunter

Dog himself strides across Hawaii dressed like a post apocalyptic Native American from the Matrix, spouting garbled bible verse and cod-shit morality. One minute condemning violence and crime and the next clearly getting off on chasing down men and machismo of besting his targets.

His staff mainly consists of family members who dress in black and combat gear, like red-neck special forces, there is something clearly fetishistic about the gear they use with all the buckles, straps and weapons. This "strapping up" is lingered on in every episode with a montage of them putting their gear on everything gets strapped belted and buckled to them from bullet proof vests to the silly and frankly ineffective CS spray canisters that the team wield like guns. As they leave Dog and his incestuous band of weirdos are obviously aroused by the excitement and gung-ho slogans they shout at each other over the radios.

Beth: if you go over there to pick him up, the whole place will blow up
Dog: Don’t tell me that, or I’ll go

The real Spinal Tap-ness of the situation come from the disparity between their over the top combative attitude and the reality of tracking down what are normally frail looking meth addicts or slightly drunk women.

in one situation Dog heavy handed blunders into a group of men calling them drug addicts and bums, a large man, angery and not at all intimidated , calls Dog on this saying that was an unfair accusation

Dog: I’m sorry for saying those thing, that was unfair and I apologise
Man: good, you shouldn’t have been saying those thing and disrespecting us
Dog: yes and I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise twice so lets leave it there.

Recently I saw an episode where dog and his gang are "hunting down" a supposed "kingpin" figure, hunting down mostly consists of phoning his family and pleading them to let them know where the fugitive is. The call comes through that the man is visiting his house and has a gun. dog couldn’t look happier at the this and they speed off to the house, where they immediately launch themselves out the car and slam the 59 year old man wearing flip flops into the ground, the gun, turning out to be a drill he was returning and the offenses? Unpaid parking tickets.

Dog is car crash televisions at its best, dog himself, when not pontificating about god or drug abuse comes across as a genuinely nice guy, unfortunately sometimes his bad ass persona or his born again philosophy rear up and turn him into an insufferable bell-end.

after posting this, I found out about his recent tragedy. And as insufferable as he is I recognise that Dog is a real person and I genuinely wish him all the best in healing from the terrible ordeal of losing a loved one

Now playing: Stiltskin - Inside


Blogger Ultra Toast Mosha God ranted..

This sounds like fantastic television. I shall try and seek it out.

Insufferable bell-end.

Ho ho!

10:53 AM  
Blogger Miroslav ranted..

In all seriousness, I thought dog the bounty hunter was a kids TV show about a dog that hunted for bounty - makes sense doesnt it?

Today's word verification is: nnqpht

11:11 AM  

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