Saturdays alright for sulking, and brain hurt

I spent the morning with a thousand other moron zombies drifting around the city centre mistaking shopping for activity and mere distraction for meaningful experience. It seems that the only religion not bankrupted by its own hollow hypocrisy is the worship of Mammon.

I wasted a couple of hours in the routine browsing before I realised all I actually wanted was to write; to feel the words slip from my head onto the page like entrails wetly slapping to the ground after a samurai sword swipe to my brains midriff. Seeking solace from the overwhelming silence of the crowd in the darkest corner of a buried bar with music played at levels that may induce, not only deafness, but blindness as well. A few years ago this place would have been unbearably smoky but now the smokers have to hide in the toilets like the rest of us who want to take drugs they don’t sell over the bar.

Thanks to the enthusiastic covering of the SXSW festival I reached my text limit on Twitter yesterday, I’m feeling cut off from the yabber of background information, and it feels wrong like I’m missing out on something. Its weird how I had become so used to sifting through the cloud of chatter and how comforting it was.

Here is a piece of writing that I found in my notebook and thought I might as well put here for the record more than anything.


Migraine 26/2/08

I have a fucking migraine. It feels like a malevolent and sentient presence in my brain, a black jellyfish that swings his tendrils at the slightest jog of my head, the worst thing is that a second or two before the blinding pain there is a brief respite, a spilt second of dread for the pain to come. Sometimes the gods smile on you and other days the stars align just to fuck you over – today is one the second type of day. I’m sitting on a dingy, bumpy bus and because of the migraine every smell is sending waves of nausea rolling around my stomach and the jellyfish tendrils are strumming my optic nerves causing shooting pains in my eye and black spots floating in my peripheral vision, any trace amount of light shooting through my shades is causing the vile invertebrate to thrash around in a way that I suspect is causing permanent brain damage.